I find pin-up gils alluring

I have to have a pic with the PINK SPONGE!

I'm happy to find a new friend

i'm a missing person

Sir, Yes Sir!

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?"

Happy Halloween!

i wonder what it'll be like...

if i grew up with my sister...

life is getting better

Empty

Polka Dots Number

Bliss!

I want pizza & chips!

calm before the storm

what i learned from typhoon ondoy

our light and guide

envy

Martian Child

Ever felt you were alienated as a child?

"I want to play too"

TeeNaGe mUSinGs

my 13 year old nephew made this

never ending fight

every girls dilemma

Gossip Hater

die my archenemy

Leap... Jump...

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how... we guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark. - Agnes de Mille

Image courtesy of http://stopandwaitasec.tumblr.com/

Right down to the feeling

The days are a bit lighter. The fear I felt is something time can help mend. Still, I know the feeling will persist. Until the day I can put a finality in my heart.

I have issues.

Understatement of the century. My thoughts have been quite erratic the last few weeks... since the month of august has been 'eventful' relationship wise, it's harder for me to come to terms with things. The past still reels a significant importance, the present delayed, the future uncertain.

I feel I am very vague in my blog. But what else can I do. As if I can tell really what is happening to me... it's very hard not to have a real friend you know. Someone you can tell ALL. Trust is hard to give for me... because at times even I don't trust me. It makes making decisions very hard.

I have had questions bugging me the last few days... For one, how do you know when the line is crossed between being friends to being romantically involved with someone... is it the memorable conversations? is it the attraction and intimacy? Hard to say is it... I think it just goes down to the 'feeling' right... still, feelings are undefined and most of all hard to predict.

And what about this phrase 'Letting go'. Another term they use for breaking up. Problem is, 'let go' has a premise that the other party will GO. That is to say, will progress to something better. What if... one doesn't go??? And just stays. Untied but still there nonetheless- choosing to stay.

And then there's this: How can you say goodbye to someone you hardly said hello to? Hmm...

Thinking about this and already I feel tired. Too many questions to start the Monday.

ro_oan

Dread

Today I feel a strong feeling of dread. Like I did something very very wrong. Something I will regret doing.

Looking at it, I did make a life changing decision. And there's no turning back.

Sometimes you make decisions right then there. Then you find out it wasn't a good choice after all. This will lead to two things- either you suffer the consequences and bail out (if you can), or own the decision and make it right.

What does making it right constitute??? it's easier said than actually done...

I fear. greatly.

ro_oan

Elizabethtown

In my opinion, one of the best movies ever made. Heartfelt subject, hearfelt acting, heartfelt music. What else can I say? A Cameron Crowe movie. You can check out more about this movie on the official website:

http://www.elizabethtown.com/home.html

How to deal with unexpected death. How to deal with failure. And eventually, how to love life.

Memorable scenes from the movie:

1. The beginning where Drew (orland bloom) thru voice over is explaining the difference between FAILURE & FIASCO. I remember him saying "Every fool can accomplish failure" True. A fiasco is for those who actually took the risk. So which would you choose?

2. Conversation in the plane where Claire (kirsten dunst) said she is a student of names. That is, she can guess a personality just by knowing the name. I liked how she described Drew's father- named Mitchell. Mitchell or Mitch as she said. "Fun. Never met a Mitch I didn't like. You know what I mean by Fun? Like you want to be a part of Mitch's club" I liked that. The description of that kind of person. I only met one in my entire life like that. Just the life of the party. Just being around him, just having him in the group makes everything BETTER. Like he's out there in the field playing soccer and everybody joins. But once he quit. Everybody else just don't want to play anymore. As if, you're only there for the honor of playing with him... ever met a person like that?

3. Meeting Chuck while Drew was trying to steal booze from the pre-wedding party. Another interesting sketch of a character... When he found out Drew's dad died, he was just crying and hugging him... forgetting Drew actually was trying to steal alcohol.

4. The morning after when Drew & Claire kissed. It's how Claire said that Drew's Fiasco didn't matter to her. I loved that.

5. Ofcourse, Holly's (Drew's mother / Mitch's wife played by Susan Surandon) goodbye to Mitch in front of the whole town. How life was after Mitch. Fixing the toilet, repairing the car, and meeting their 'boner' neighbor :p When she tapped dance... just melts your heart.

6. The road trip. It's knowing Kentucky. It's knowing America. It's how we all pass by the roads and streets, but never took time to understand the place & the people. The road trip brought Drew closer to life, and yes, even closer to his father who was seated beside him in an Urn.

I can only say as much. The music is inspiring too- with Crowe naming it "The Great American Radio Station". Sample of the music in the link above.

Be inspired. Watch it, enjoy :)

ro_oan

My Pride

Woke up early today despite the little hour of sleep i had. Amazingly my mind was alert. Though I stayed in bed and curled for a few minutes more... My mind was wondering between next days work tasks (argh) and the thought of our blissful ride thru the Quezon province last week. Ah life. That bittersweet mixture of work days & lazy days...

The urge of waking from my torture of work & leisure reverie, I decided to buy Kenyo's Album today. The album titled "Maharlika" includes me in the cover. Hardly even recognizable me. Yet me all the same. My friend Micheecoo designed it. I remember receiving a text from her asking to shoot me. To think I said No. Not because i didn't want to really. But more because I didn't think I was pretty enought to be in any of her projects. Still, persuaded that it would just be my face... I said yes. It was over in... 3 minutes. I didn't know why I had such a fuzz. It was short and sweet. If I had known it would take that easy, i should have just said YES right then there.

I was glad it happened. It's funny but, even though my face here is hardly seen... still. It's me! The feeling of pride immediately filled me... and surprisingly it felt good.

And the music... oh so good! Kudos to Kenyo! And am not saying this because I'm in the album. The lyrics and melody are beautiful. And you know every rise and fall of the drum sticks, every pluck in the guitar strings, and every breath they make in singing... it means something, with everything falling in the big picture of the album.

I especially like the Strong Man, to quote:

"I'm invincible. I've been living on the edge. Indestructible. I can take on any quest. I would never hesitate. Risk my life, unafraid. Maybe that's why I need someone to make me feel weak like you do."

Maharlika is available on record bars in metro manila.

ro_oan

Eternal Rest to My Mamang

I just came from the funeral... my lola (grandmother) Amelia Almonte Hernandez or "Mamang" as we so fondly call her, died Septer 3, 2009 at the age of 91.

A full life she had led, dedicated in caring for her children, grand children, great grand children and yes, she also held in her arms her great great grand child.

I found this picture in my baby album. There she is carrying me in her arms. I cannot remember it then, but they said she was with us long to take care of me and my brother. I cannot help but wonder how our lives can be touched by people when we were little... she was one of the people i dependent on then- to feed me, to change my diaper, to comfort me when I cry. For so long I have not been with her. Never having the chance to say thank you for what she has done for me when I was a child. When my mother died, we had no contact anymore (she lived with her daughter in the province). I only saw her again when I'm already full grown. 21yrs old if am not mistaking. And yet, there she was, looking at me thru her faded eyes, when I said I was 'Roan' her face immediately gleamed with happiness and love. It's heartwarming beyond words. When we visited her again and again during the years, she knew us. Even our birthdates! (fyi, there's about 30 of us children, siblings and cousins)

I always knew her as a gentle soul. And that is how I remember her until now. All these years, I wasn't able to say thank you... Forgive me that it took too long. Yes even too late. So in heaven now please do hear my words- "Thank you my dear Mamang! Mahal na mahal kita!"

"Eternal rest grant unto the soul of Amelia O Lord and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen"

ro_oan

The Ride and Chuck Taylors

Finally bought Chuck Taylors- the classic black and white ones. Wanted it since high school. HIGH SCHOOL. I don't really know why I haven't gotten around to it. Not until I saw Converse Century Ad. makes you realize it's been there for a hundred years- in every decade... fitting into whatever fashion statement there is and into whatever social or political upheaval there has been. No self respecting shoe addict wouldn't have one in their closet :p I think, it has come to a point when there is absolutely no one who'd say they never owned a pair before. and i'm talking about those in their 60s here.

The perfect day for its debut, a ride to the country. all possible thanks to a very important man that came into my life. somewhat my kindred spirit in the sense that.... somehow this is someone who needed freedom. and the ride is freedom. somehow this someone is lonely, like me. somehow this someone is at a crossroad like me.

Dirtied the shoes on its first day. And that was exactly how I wanted it. I felt that there is no point in owning a clean shoe. Just owning one for display isn't right. the shoes when i bought it- all white, clean black right out of the box- That's just wrong. Seeing it with mud on it however- THAT'S THE WAY CHUCK TAYLORS SHOULD LOOK. Experienced, touched, connected to the earth.

I guess, that's how we all should be - experienced, touched, connected- to people.

ro_oan

Whirlwind

The last two weeks went by like a whirlwind. Finished fast, blurry with so many memories to cherish.

Like Rikki's despedida from Orix. He was a former officemate. I do owe him much for inviting me to join the IT family. That is 'IT & Friend' proud to be the original member of that. Glad that the group seems to have more friends now and the more is the merrier. I know he's had it rough, but you'll admire his courage. Instead of sulking in the misery of life, he's still here smiling and full of fun. I admire him for that. I did tell him, let's keep in touch. Ofcourse, he made a joke about the touching part yet he said he'll definitely come and see me here in Ortigas.

I went to my nephew/godson's birthday party. Had two kiddie parties last month, and here I am back again in Jollibee. Can't say I'm complaining. I love Chickenjoy! :P Here is Jumong, such a big boy already. Though they are distant cousins, it's nice we still get together like this.

I also saw for the first time another nephew/godson of mine, Xandrei, he's now 6 yrs old! I remember not being able to make it to his baptism because of work. I see their parents often after that in reunions, unfortunately, Xandrei wasn't with them on those occassions. He doesn't know me, ofcourse. He remembers me though as Ninang Roan for the gifts I sent him every christmas without fail. It got me wondering why they wanted me to be the Ninang... would I be a good spiritual guide? hm....

And to think last Sunday, i went to see my 'future' goddaughter, Elle. The Baptism will happen in October. One more child to look after, I'm very honored. She's the sweetest child, with really long lashes like her mom. Also looks looks like her grandmother on her mom's side.

I was out and about for two weeks, meeting friends, visiting mamang in the hospital. Culminating with... riding a big bike.

That was just, heaven. The wind in your face and the howling of it in your ears...

I just realized now... this is probably the reason why I wasn't able to sleep much up to this day. Maybe I miss it. Or him.

ro_oan

Indifference to actually caring...

I have no political... 'care' so to speak. Sure I know who the President and Vice President of the country is. Yet, I can't name 5 senators or congressmen, who our barangay captain is, which councilor has the best interest for us...

I didn't care, not until she died.

I was a mere 3 yrs old when the people power revolution 1 happened. Although I heard stories of it... of my mom and brother going to join the march while I was left with my lola. The march, the significance, all of that was in various textbooks all through out high school. Reading about it is different. Although the book presented the reality of what happened, because it simply didn't impact on me directly, it didn't matter. It was just a part of history. end. no more second thought.

Then I saw the people. On the day she died. though i wasn't there, I was just hooked on the tv for 12 hrs. I still felt the feeling of 'community' in the purest sense. despite the fact that some people just went there to make 'USI' many still did genuinely care. and that struck me.

I was there when people power2 happened in edsa shrine. And only now did it dawn on me how it all started. that the same community i felt in people power 2 started of course with the first. with this incredible woman holding the reigns- or holding the flowers that is. Kapit bisig.

Thank you President Corazon Cojuangco Aquino

ro.oan

Blogging about my Kuya-Ate

So my brother is gay. And I get questions like "what's it like to have a gay brother?"

A bit difficult to answer straight away. Well, first off, he isn't a cross dresser, and he's one of those gay people who have no intentions of getting boobs and having their sex changed. He dresses, well, like a man. Is there an English term for that? in Filipino gay lingo it's called- PAMINTA - pa-men - or in English 'to be a man'. Very different I guess from the prevailing notion that gay means being an extrovert and so... OUT THERE.

I'm not saying he is a tamed one either. put on Beyonce and you can see him dancing to the tune of "Single Ladies" can you believe that?! There was this one time he actually dressed up like a girl (first cross dressing experience) he's wearing a leopard print gown with short brown straight hair. I can tell, he enjoyed it! but doing it everyday... not just his thing.

At the end, IT'S FUN. Because you get to enjoy both, having a brother and a sister. A brother who'll drive you and pick you up when it's raining cats adn dogs or when you go home it midnight, a sister who'll scream with you when there's a flying cockroach :D

ro_oan

Passing Away

In tagalog, the nearest translation to passing away is 'sumakabilang buhay' that is 'moving to the other side of life.' It's nice to know that death is not the end, but a journey to the next life. In this regard, I don't find it too difficult for my lola (grand mother) to pass away... you see she is very sick right now and we are afraid she will be going soon.
I don't want her to suffer anymore. I am not sure if I am bad... because most people will tell us that we pray for her to recover. But what I pray is that, 'Lord your will be done. I just don't want her to be in pain anymore.'
I still pray this today.

To Be "Cultured"

QUARTET FROM JAPAN

Friends from Nihongo Class- Zarah & Weng, invited me to come with them to a Japan Foundation Sponsored event: J-Classic Concert

So Popoy and I went to CCP (which ironically took almost 2 hrs with so much traffic when normally it would have taken about 20minutes only). I brought Popoy with me because he said he had never heard an orchestra or quartet played live before. 'You have to go!' I immediately said. He said, "yeah, I should para naman maging 'cultured' din ako (so i can also be 'cultured')" I don't know about you, but seeing and hearing an orchestra live is such a magnificent experience!

I wasn't wrong because we all marveled and enjoyed the concert. It's just different live, the sound, the feeling in your nerves... it's as if the sound waves are just passing right thru your body! At times i feel the hair in my arms stand up :)

i wish they could have one more sponsored event like that.

ro_oan

Pia's Birthday + Tequila Rose Strawberry Experience

It was Ate Pia's birthday. My 'kababata' - childhood friend. Frankly, I don't remember her. I was about 7 yrs old when I left Las Pinas... I couldn't remember much. What I remember was coming over to her house and eating Pringles until our lips are thick and salty (her dad was a pilot, lots of loot there!). *sigh* childhood memories. It's nice to remember those little things, blurry memories of a small little girl : )

Now, at the party, she brought out tequila rose. NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS. NEVER SEEN IT. oh I don't drink and am not a party girl- FYI. I tell you my tolerance to alcohol is close to ZERO. I drink a little I turn into a tomato, get dizzy, and with more urging- I'd go Godzilla on you- every step I take *bbwaahh* i throw up. ewe. seriously. it's one of my frustrations in life- not being to dance top 1, and no tolerance to alcohol no. 2

Anyway, so I took a sip. Darn it! It was SOOOOO GOOOOOOD! It's probably the best tasting alcohol I've ever tasted (too little to compare it to really). Anyway, got a bit dizzy but I was fine. If I were to practice my drinking prowess, I'll probably do it with that.

ro.oan

QUARANTINE - ISOLATION

The inside information of what it's like to have H1N1. Well, it's not me really, my boyfriend Popoy was found to have one. Yikes! Quite a scare for most people, but not really so much for us.
So it started with popoy getting fever thursday... he had to take a leave by friday, since his coughing is incessant. He called me up saturday at 3pm, almost hallucinating... chillz, and he talks nonsense murmuring. that was the most scary part. The next day, i made him come over my house so atleast, i can look after him, he ate well, drank paracetamol, we even went to the doctor to have him checked. They didn't think it was h1, only cough so he was given something for his throat. He didn't have fever anymore by sunday, and we were even able to watch a movie (taking of pelham 123). Monday, he found out that some of his officemates were found POSITIVE. that's when the company made him take the test, so he went to the hospital, took the swab test and he was asked to take tamiflu medicine. Quarantined for 7 days alone in his room (he only has a big room for an apartment) talk about solitary confinement almost. thank goodness for tv and the internet (yup, this notebook lived with him hence the delayed post). Waiting anxiously for the result. It came 4 days later. POSITIVE. Yikes! I didn't tell anyone until he's recovered. Everybody was like, 'you're so brave you still come and see him' Well i guess that's when you love someone. You risk it. He has no family here in Manila. I'm his family, so I bring him groceries and food every other day. Ofcourse we we're cautious, we both were wearing masks, we sanitized our hands, he changed sheets often, we didn't dip or drink each others food. So now, I'm not sick. And I hope not to be :)
Yesterday, he was cleared. It was great. He was back to his normal self, and you could see the exhiliration in his face when finally he is able to go out.
So many things happened in between last week... emotionally for both of us. The quarantine period - this trial- showed the worst and best in our relationshiop.
I found out that the 'sickness' isn't really what's eating a sick person, sometimes, it's how others treat them.
anyway, am glad. I wish the media here in the Phils will not make so much of this virus, I mean seriously OVER KILL.
I still hope the numbers will get low now... quarantine - or ISOLATION isn't such a nice thought!

The Time Travellers Wife

I finally bought the book. I can't stand reading the e-book that was sent to me... my eyes get watery in about 10 minutes.

How anyone can wait for someone that long... and to know that the one you love will be coming and going, in and out of your life FOREVER yet still choose to love him... well, i guess, that's true love. If I were Clare, I don't think I can do the same thing...

I'm half way through the book, hopefully I can finish over the weekend.

I'm a lola?!

I can't believe I'm saying this, i'm a lola! (grand ma). My nephew who is 2 yrs older than me, had his son baptized last saturday in alabang. While I wrote the card on the gift, I placed this:

Love,

"Tito" RT & "Tita Roan"

I'm still in denial, hehe.

The reception was done on my nephew's side of the family. Apparently, Sha (my nephew's wife) is related to Ed Cordero - Ex PBA player. I remember having to raise my neck when talking to him. He was cool and her wife was equally pleasant. It was nice to see Kuya Odel & Miggy, Kuya Rio, Ate Tess, meg, and jena. It's been a while since I last met them.

I hope our next meeting will be soon =)

ro_oan

A lovely quote from the most unlikely place

"Contenment is natural wealth. Luxury, artificial poverty"

Saw this on a signage at the back of a public utility jeepney : )

quite a nice thought.

ro_oan

Cutsie Saizen Japanse Goods Store & NOT TO MISS: Yahoo! Purple Donut

Oh rainy days are coming here in the Philippines. Sadly I didn't feel the sand in my toes this summer... I long for the beach and I still do. I hope I will be enjoying it soon.... shall i wait for the next summer???? *sigh*

Yesterday was so nice! Popoy and I met at robinsons galleria. There was an ad for this Japanese Store apparently just opened with everyting for only Ps. 85, that's roughly a little below 2 US dollars. You have to hand it to them, they think of everything! we saw these little chopsticks stand... sort of like a figurine of a cat on it's back with a bloated stomach- one paw as if caressing the roundness there... it was so cute! :p I couldn't contain myself and I bought a Japanese lantern and paper fan, they are both quite exquisite. So many other stuff I would like to have! So many 'butingting' (accessories/clutter) as seen in this picture. I had to stop myself and I kept repeating- 'I don't need this right now, buy only what you need'. And yet, come to think of it... I didn't need a paper fan and lantern ;p

Before going home, we saw an Ad of a new donut in Krispy Kreme- Yahoo Purple Donuts! I ofcourse was intrigued, as purple is my fave color. Just haven't figured out WHY Yahoo will sponsor a donut.... oh well, we went to the store and bought one just to have a taste... the base was chocolate and the donut sweet made with confectioner sugar (did i spell that right?) with purple coloring and with white sprinkle on top. Not bad at all! Still, my favorite remains the same, Hershey Dark Chocolate.

Back to work.. today was the weirdest weather ever. The sky is showing her blue and yet it's so windy it feels like a hurricane is coming! Without fail the past week, it ALWAYS RAINS IN THE AFTERNOON. Just when people are about to leave the office and venture back home. Sucks really. The consolation? you get to curl up in bed much nicer... Mmmm... now i'm kind of sleepy 0.-

ro_oan

Ohana's Review

Finally! Popoy is posing here with a plate of chicken barbecue & pork barbecue... with the weirdest soup I have ever heard- Beef soup with SPAM on top. Our verdict: 2 stars out of 5. It was kind of disappointing really. The barbecue sauce marinade they used is too commercial tasting... like that in Tokyo tokyo. What I actually enjoyed, believe it or not, was the weird soup with SPAM. The noodles were crisp and the SPAM, well, you know what that takes like, YUM!!! I'm probably not gonna crave this. The ambiance is nice though, really makes you feel like summer.

Speaking of summer, we are in it's last few rays, as the skies are always cloudy and the rain just pours in the afternoon. the coolness is a welcome break. I just love curling in bed when it's raining. Zzzzz....

The rain made me late last saturday, when me and my classmates from Nihongo agreed to meet. Oh it was so nice to see everybody again! I have to say everyone is BLOOMING. Everyone doing well. ofcourse we talked about so girl stuff as we are all girls. Some talked about motherhood... and we that are single, well, e di pinagsabihan! (they lectured us!) I cannot believe Mhay our friend even said "AT YOUR AGE, you should be seeing long term relationships" heller???!!! Am just 26 yrs :p That's how Filipinos are, FYI.

Here's my godchild KenKen, Mhay his mom is so proud of her. He's beginning to be 'makulit' though... but she is glad he is healthy.

Btw, watch TERMINATOR, well worth the ticket : ) best I like so far. Christian Bale's signature husky voice in batman is showing here though! :p Night at the Museum 2 I think is better than the first one. but then, I can wait for the DVD release of this. I'm excited about Ice Age and Harry Potter.

cheers!

ro_oan

Scrabble Rabble & Brigada Eskwela

It has been an eventful FRiDaY & SaTurday for me.

Last Friday, I joined a game of scrabble sponsored by our office. I remember rushing at 5:00pm to leave the office and hailed a taxi ride to get me to the head office by 6:00pm. And since Our Lord heared my prayer, I was at Makati in 30 minutes (really such a miracle!). My team mate consists of Mackie from Training and Kaycel, a fellow SSA from Cypress Branch. Kaycel run late and was really scared she couldn't make it. She did. She also prayed hard on the way :p We called ourselves Team Violet, as we are all a fan of that color.

I had to smile when I remember the humor of it all. Thing is, I was the one who invited them to play scrabble. Both were a bit hesistant in joining, but because I was persistent in asking them to join, they finally agreed. When we were at the table playing, surprise, surprise! They can think words faster than me AND they scored high scores! We even won TOP in the first round :p hahaha! Papilit pa kayo ha! :D (hmph! hard to get!) My role? Easy. After every turn I just say "Final Answer" to our proctor :D hehe

Unfortunately during the second round, we lost a turn as we found out there is no QUO word accebtable in the scrabble dictionary. In any case, we all didn't mind, because we all enjoyed playing! Am hoping to still join next year : )

Saturday was another kind of game. I attended another company sponsored event. It is an outreach program by Sunlife Foundation called: Brigada Eskwela or in English is simply translated School Brigade. My company Sunlife called on employees to volunteer and help clean and paint classrooms of public school.

Our school was in Taguig, about 15 minutes frive from our Head Office in Makati. We grouped ourselves into 8. With us, Marge- SSA for Visayas Mindanao Area, Irene- SSA for Genus Pine NBO, Mackie (yup same mackie from the scrabble team) & Maimai from training, Karess- SSA for Evergreen NBO and his boyfriend Allen, and there's me- Roan- SSA for Red Oak NBO with my boyfriend Popoy. The most challenging feat for all of us was painting 69 chairs, 25 tables and 3 sets of windows! I have paint on my pants, shirt, hands... it was tiring to tell you the truth but so much worth it in the end! We didn't just help the school save in Painting Cost and Labor, we also just 'bonded' with each other. It was so much fun.

I've always admired that. The feeling of Community. If only that feeling can transcend into the whole world! No discrimination! Everyone is at Peace with one another and Joyfully living. *Sigh* when will it happen in this world....

Maybe, PEACE is what HEAVEN really is.

ro_oan