what i learned from typhoon ondoy

our light and guide

envy

Martian Child

Ever felt you were alienated as a child?

"I want to play too"

TeeNaGe mUSinGs

my 13 year old nephew made this

never ending fight

every girls dilemma

Gossip Hater

die my archenemy

Leap... Jump...

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how... we guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark. - Agnes de Mille

Image courtesy of http://stopandwaitasec.tumblr.com/

Right down to the feeling

The days are a bit lighter. The fear I felt is something time can help mend. Still, I know the feeling will persist. Until the day I can put a finality in my heart.

I have issues.

Understatement of the century. My thoughts have been quite erratic the last few weeks... since the month of august has been 'eventful' relationship wise, it's harder for me to come to terms with things. The past still reels a significant importance, the present delayed, the future uncertain.

I feel I am very vague in my blog. But what else can I do. As if I can tell really what is happening to me... it's very hard not to have a real friend you know. Someone you can tell ALL. Trust is hard to give for me... because at times even I don't trust me. It makes making decisions very hard.

I have had questions bugging me the last few days... For one, how do you know when the line is crossed between being friends to being romantically involved with someone... is it the memorable conversations? is it the attraction and intimacy? Hard to say is it... I think it just goes down to the 'feeling' right... still, feelings are undefined and most of all hard to predict.

And what about this phrase 'Letting go'. Another term they use for breaking up. Problem is, 'let go' has a premise that the other party will GO. That is to say, will progress to something better. What if... one doesn't go??? And just stays. Untied but still there nonetheless- choosing to stay.

And then there's this: How can you say goodbye to someone you hardly said hello to? Hmm...

Thinking about this and already I feel tired. Too many questions to start the Monday.

ro_oan

Dread

Today I feel a strong feeling of dread. Like I did something very very wrong. Something I will regret doing.

Looking at it, I did make a life changing decision. And there's no turning back.

Sometimes you make decisions right then there. Then you find out it wasn't a good choice after all. This will lead to two things- either you suffer the consequences and bail out (if you can), or own the decision and make it right.

What does making it right constitute??? it's easier said than actually done...

I fear. greatly.

ro_oan

Elizabethtown

In my opinion, one of the best movies ever made. Heartfelt subject, hearfelt acting, heartfelt music. What else can I say? A Cameron Crowe movie. You can check out more about this movie on the official website:

http://www.elizabethtown.com/home.html

How to deal with unexpected death. How to deal with failure. And eventually, how to love life.

Memorable scenes from the movie:

1. The beginning where Drew (orland bloom) thru voice over is explaining the difference between FAILURE & FIASCO. I remember him saying "Every fool can accomplish failure" True. A fiasco is for those who actually took the risk. So which would you choose?

2. Conversation in the plane where Claire (kirsten dunst) said she is a student of names. That is, she can guess a personality just by knowing the name. I liked how she described Drew's father- named Mitchell. Mitchell or Mitch as she said. "Fun. Never met a Mitch I didn't like. You know what I mean by Fun? Like you want to be a part of Mitch's club" I liked that. The description of that kind of person. I only met one in my entire life like that. Just the life of the party. Just being around him, just having him in the group makes everything BETTER. Like he's out there in the field playing soccer and everybody joins. But once he quit. Everybody else just don't want to play anymore. As if, you're only there for the honor of playing with him... ever met a person like that?

3. Meeting Chuck while Drew was trying to steal booze from the pre-wedding party. Another interesting sketch of a character... When he found out Drew's dad died, he was just crying and hugging him... forgetting Drew actually was trying to steal alcohol.

4. The morning after when Drew & Claire kissed. It's how Claire said that Drew's Fiasco didn't matter to her. I loved that.

5. Ofcourse, Holly's (Drew's mother / Mitch's wife played by Susan Surandon) goodbye to Mitch in front of the whole town. How life was after Mitch. Fixing the toilet, repairing the car, and meeting their 'boner' neighbor :p When she tapped dance... just melts your heart.

6. The road trip. It's knowing Kentucky. It's knowing America. It's how we all pass by the roads and streets, but never took time to understand the place & the people. The road trip brought Drew closer to life, and yes, even closer to his father who was seated beside him in an Urn.

I can only say as much. The music is inspiring too- with Crowe naming it "The Great American Radio Station". Sample of the music in the link above.

Be inspired. Watch it, enjoy :)

ro_oan

My Pride

Woke up early today despite the little hour of sleep i had. Amazingly my mind was alert. Though I stayed in bed and curled for a few minutes more... My mind was wondering between next days work tasks (argh) and the thought of our blissful ride thru the Quezon province last week. Ah life. That bittersweet mixture of work days & lazy days...

The urge of waking from my torture of work & leisure reverie, I decided to buy Kenyo's Album today. The album titled "Maharlika" includes me in the cover. Hardly even recognizable me. Yet me all the same. My friend Micheecoo designed it. I remember receiving a text from her asking to shoot me. To think I said No. Not because i didn't want to really. But more because I didn't think I was pretty enought to be in any of her projects. Still, persuaded that it would just be my face... I said yes. It was over in... 3 minutes. I didn't know why I had such a fuzz. It was short and sweet. If I had known it would take that easy, i should have just said YES right then there.

I was glad it happened. It's funny but, even though my face here is hardly seen... still. It's me! The feeling of pride immediately filled me... and surprisingly it felt good.

And the music... oh so good! Kudos to Kenyo! And am not saying this because I'm in the album. The lyrics and melody are beautiful. And you know every rise and fall of the drum sticks, every pluck in the guitar strings, and every breath they make in singing... it means something, with everything falling in the big picture of the album.

I especially like the Strong Man, to quote:

"I'm invincible. I've been living on the edge. Indestructible. I can take on any quest. I would never hesitate. Risk my life, unafraid. Maybe that's why I need someone to make me feel weak like you do."

Maharlika is available on record bars in metro manila.

ro_oan

Eternal Rest to My Mamang

I just came from the funeral... my lola (grandmother) Amelia Almonte Hernandez or "Mamang" as we so fondly call her, died Septer 3, 2009 at the age of 91.

A full life she had led, dedicated in caring for her children, grand children, great grand children and yes, she also held in her arms her great great grand child.

I found this picture in my baby album. There she is carrying me in her arms. I cannot remember it then, but they said she was with us long to take care of me and my brother. I cannot help but wonder how our lives can be touched by people when we were little... she was one of the people i dependent on then- to feed me, to change my diaper, to comfort me when I cry. For so long I have not been with her. Never having the chance to say thank you for what she has done for me when I was a child. When my mother died, we had no contact anymore (she lived with her daughter in the province). I only saw her again when I'm already full grown. 21yrs old if am not mistaking. And yet, there she was, looking at me thru her faded eyes, when I said I was 'Roan' her face immediately gleamed with happiness and love. It's heartwarming beyond words. When we visited her again and again during the years, she knew us. Even our birthdates! (fyi, there's about 30 of us children, siblings and cousins)

I always knew her as a gentle soul. And that is how I remember her until now. All these years, I wasn't able to say thank you... Forgive me that it took too long. Yes even too late. So in heaven now please do hear my words- "Thank you my dear Mamang! Mahal na mahal kita!"

"Eternal rest grant unto the soul of Amelia O Lord and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen"

ro_oan